Five days past my due date. Will this pregnancy ever end? Will I ever get to hold my baby? 9:30 PM my water breaks. No contractions. This could be a long night. I try to sleep. My nerves won’t let me. A few hours later the contractions come but far apart and irregular. An hour later they are intense and two to three minutes apart. I’m walking, swaying, breathing. Bob Marley plays in the background. It’s happening. My baby is coming tonight! My husband and mother are there. They take turns holding heat to my abdomen, to the pain.
I’m in labor land now.
It feels like one long contraction that intensifies every so often. There is no break. I’m doing my circular breathing. Thank you Birthing From Within. I hear myself moaning. It’s animalistic, quite beautiful
actually. “Every little thing is gonna
be alright.” After two hours, he calls
the midwife. She hears me in the
background and says, “I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes.” He packs the car. I continue to labor in my home.
2:45 am we get in the car.
The contractions are excruciating now.
Emergency flashers are on. We are
flying down the road. It feels like a
movie. I am in so much pain. I don’t
remember being in this much pain until the very end last time. There is no way this is the end. I don’t know if I can do this for hours. Another contraction. I can’t do this for hours! Forget natural birth. Take me to the hospital for some relief. No, just get me to the birthing pool. It will feel so amazing. If I can just make it to the water.
We finally pull in.
The midwife meets us at the car.
She helps me to the birthing room.
“Are you feeling any pressure?” she asks. “Not really,” I say. I see the pool filling up. Thank, God.
I drop my pants and she checks me.
“It won’t be long,” she says. I
stand back up for another killer contraction.
I hold the bed post. She puts the
monitor on me. Silence. She’s searching, searching. This is too familiar. This can’t be happening. I can’t believe I’m praying for a heartbeat
again. She goes to find a Doppler. I begin to panic. He tries his best to calm me. “You just need to focus on you and the
baby. Breathe for our baby.” “Our baby without a heartbeat,” I think.
She comes back with the Doppler. Silence.
It’s broken. After
everything. After all we’ve been through. This is how it’s going to
end. How can there not be a
heartbeat. My body takes over. I have to push. I’m pushing.
Wait, it’s not time to push yet.
I haven’t made it into the water.
We haven’t found a heartbeat. How
can I be pushing?
Although I fight them, they make me lay on the bed. I push again.
I don’t know if the baby I’m pushing out is alive or dead. The next moment, my baby is out and on my chest.
I hear my husband crying out with
joy. Our baby is here! I’m holding our baby. That little flicker of a heartbeat we saw so
long ago. That baby we thought we lost. That baby we longed for. All I can say is, “Oh my God.” I’m in shock.
I can’t believe our baby is here.
Our baby is looking right at me.
Our baby is breathing, squirming, moving. I am so in love. But wait, is our baby a boy or a girl? I go to look.
I stop myself. I want him to tell
me. He looks. “It’s a little girl!” he says with tears in
his eyes. We have another little
girl. It’s all over. The waiting is over. She’s here.
She’s healthy. She’s
beautiful. Our little Sylvia June. You have our hearts forever.
Sylvia June Wolfe
Born August 30, 2012 3:10 am just ten minutes after arriving at the birth center.
19 inches long
Beautiful, sweet and loved. What a wonderful blessing.
Thank you to our delivering midwife Lesley, our nurse midwife Ashton, and all of the other staff at Charleston Birth Place for all of your care and support. You ladies are amazing!
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